‘He knelt down beside her and only then could she make out his face in the moonlight. His breath was warm against her neck and the sweet smell of jasmine hung in the air like perfume. He sighed softly and stroked his cheek down her temple.

She could feel the warmth of his body as it neared and a chill down her spine turned into a quiver. This was the moment she had dreamt of since she first saw him walk into her life in that little cafe down the street from the University. Now as she lay close to him listening to his breathing get faster and faster, she remembered the way he laughed when he spilt his cappuccino down the front of his shirt. As his fingers lowly but expertly unbuttoned her shirt to reveal her now heaving breasts, her apprehension gave way to his gentle yet confident lips. First-time fears melted as her body trembled with moist expectation. His hand traced a tingling trail of ecstasy across her thighs and she gasped as they surrendered to each other’s passion …’

Now if you believe this romance novel version of the first experience of intercourse, your own first experience might leave you with a few lingering doubts and a fair share of disappointment. For many people this might as well be a story from another planet.

In the real world, things are usually very different. If you ask people to describe their reactions to their first experience of intercourse … their technical ‘loss of virginity’ … you discover a range of emotions from fear, guilt, regret and disappointment to relief, elation, and pride. These reactions may well determine how you feel about sex for many years to come.

One woman in her sixties told me, ‘I think the honeymoon for us was grossly oversold. I remember it as the worst week of my entire life. I kept wondering what on earth I had let myself in for. I didn’t even know there was a thing called an erection! That was quite an unpleasant shock I can tell you. The only sex education I had at home was when my mother shyly handed me a book and said, “If you have any questions, ask your aunt.” My husband and I went along to a church-organised “Married Love” course. To go along, you had to either produce a marriage certificate or a signed affidavit from a clergyman that you were booked to be married within the next six weeks. If you wanted to know about contraception, they sent you along to a doctor they recommended but you weren’t allowed to make an appointment until three weeks before the wedding date. A few friends of mine at the time were sexually active, but they didn’t know anything about contraception. If they accidentally fell pregnant they just got married in a hurry … it didn’t seem to matter whether they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other or not. Or else they got shipped off to relatives in the country until they had the baby and had it adopted out. It was never openly discussed.’

There is little doubt that the partner you choose and the circumstances make a big difference to the experience. ‘I was a virgin until I was twenty-eight,’ said Susan. ‘I had had lots of boyfriends. I got on really well with all of them, I was even engaged once, but I never felt any sexual attraction for any of them. For a while I thought I must be a lesbian, but I wasn’t aware of any attraction to other women. Well, one day I met John and all that changed. We had a fantastic physical and emotional attraction right from the start and he’s the one I married.’

While some people describe their first intercourse as a pleasant experience, there are many who say the first time is downright unpleasant. Beth recalls, ‘I couldn’t believe how painful it was. I had no idea that it might hurt. I knew very little about sex at all and so I was incredibly nervous. I suppose that made matters worse. Because the first time was so painful it took me months and months before I could relax. I reckon it took years before I could say I really enjoyed it.’
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Worldwide, a significant proportion of young people become sexually active before the age of sixteen, and many will have more than one sexual partner in any twelve month period. Young people under twenty-one have one of the highest incidence rates of abnormal Pap smears related to wart virus infection, and it is this virus that has been shown to be associated with cancer of the cervix. According to (Australian) Federal Department of Health statistics, one in four girls between fifteen and nineteen will get pregnant, and of these, almost half will have an abortion. To quote a recent medical journal correspondent, ‘something that delights nobody with an IQ above room temperature.’

So what’s the answer to all of this? Certainly a communal ostrich response is not the way to go. Waving placards to stop wicked condom pushers is simplistic in the extreme. Mounting organized campaigns to scare off advertizers that support sex education programs on television is blackmail by any other name. The only weapon we have is enlightenment, knowledge, awareness. If young people understand more about the nature of sexual relationships, know what sex is about and are aware of the risks, they are in a better position to make responsible decisions. They need to know that their judgment will be impaired by just a couple of drinks. They need to be aware that unprotected intercourse, just once, can cause a pregnancy. They need to be able to talk without fear about their close relationships, so that they can understand what it means to be ready for a sexual relationship.

Parents and specially trained teachers are vital sources of this sort of advice. The more they know, the more relevant they will be as advisers. One of the best ways to cut off communication with a young person (or any person for that matter) is to tell them that they are ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’. It is much more effective to try to look at what’s behind a thought or an action, to help them weigh up its importance, and to guide them to find their own solutions. Questions like ‘How did you feel when he did that?’ and ‘Why do you think she told you that?’ leave the conversation open, and encourage the other person to practise independent problem-solving skills.

Nobody expects a parent or a teacher to have all the answers. Knowing how to say ‘I don’t know but I know where to help you find out’ is as valuable as having the knowledge at your fingertips. Showing a willingness to listen, an appreciation for differences of opinion, and an attitude of caring without stifling will go a long way. Young people have a natural curiosity about sex that will make sure the questions keep coming. The way those questions are answered will determine how they cope with their future relationships.
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Measles is a highly contagious and potentially serious disease, most common in the 3-5 years age group. It sometimes affects older children and adults. It is spread from person to person by ‘droplet’ infection, usually by coughing or sneezing. If your child gets measles, he is infectious from a week before until a week after the rash appears.

Cause

Measles is caused by a type of virus called a paramyxovirus.

Clinical features

The incubation phase occurs 10-12 days prior to the onset of illness, and usually there are no signs of ill health. The earliest symptoms are rather like those of a heavy cold — a runny nose, sneezing, fever, conjunctivitis and a dry, often severe, cough. You may notice Koplik’s spots, tiny white marks on the inside of the cheek and at the back of the mouth, which are characteristic of measles.

A typical rash appears on the third or fourth day of the illness. It starts behind the ears and along the hairline, and consists of numerous small, red, irregular patches, which spread over the face and neck in the first 24 hours. These later extend to the body and limbs. The patches merge to give a blotchy, red appearance to the skin. At this stage of illness the fever may become very high. After 3-5 days, the rash starts to fade and the fever drops, which makes the child feel better. There may be some peeling of the skin. Occasionally there are complications of measles. These include secondary infections such as otitis media (ear infection), laryngitis, and pneumonia. These are usually bacterial, and respond well to antibiotics. A rare complication of measles is encephalitis.

Treatment

See your doctor if you suspect that your child has measles. There is no cure for measles, but keeping the fever under control and making sure that your child drinks plenty of fluids and gets lots of bed rest can lessen the severity of the symptoms. Keeps lights dim, if your child complains of sore eyes. Keep your child at home, to prevent spread of the disease to other children.

Prevention

Routine immunisation is now given to all children against measles, in conjunction with mumps and rubella (see Chapter 4). It is important to make sure that your child is fully immunised.

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Dropping out: Some young people withdraw not only from school or life, but from sex. They feel unaccepted or undesirable, or their parents overtly or covertly convey a message of sex as unimportant or unacceptable. The young person then seeks all fulfillment outside of sexuality. As dangerous as focusing exclusively on sexuality, this type of adjustment is tolerated by schools and society. The person may look for meaning through cultism. He or she may become overinvolved in isolated activities such as working at the computer, watching television, playing video games or the recendy popular so-called adventure games that seem to become a substitute reality. Young people may look to a pseudoreligiosity, reborn before they have had their full chance to have been born at all. We often are on the alert for “hypersexuality” and promiscuousness, but we should be equally vigilant as parents for our tendency to keep our children delightfully benign Peter Pans, desexualized, alone, and afraid to reach out to others for pleasure and intimacy.

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I get this warm, full feeling. And then, when I come, I almost wet the bed. I used to think it was urine, but it isn’t. I feel it come out differently, sort of squeezing out in little spurts.

WIFE

Some women lose urine during sexual response. When you suspect this is the case, a complete urological examination is in order. Be sure to tell the doctor the exact circumstances under which you experience this loss of urine. If you cannot talk candidly with your doctor, you have the wrong doctor. Ask for a referral from your local medical school. If you masturbate, notice if urine seems to escape under that circumstance. If there is a medical reason for this loss of urine, a specific physiological cause, it is possible to correct it. Sometimes surgery will be required.

Remember, feelings of urinary urgency are related to emotional states as often as they are related to anything physical. Excitement, fear, anticipation, and anxiety can all cause upnary loss. Some loss of urine with orgasmic contraction is not unusual in women, for their orgasmic physiological contractions do not prevent loss of urine as happens in men.

In some cases, women do experience an emission of fluid through the urinary meatus, the opening to the urethra which transports the urine outside of the body. Data indicates that a very small number of women report this fluid during orgasm. The fluid is not ejaculate, urine, or vaginal lubrication, but seems to come from the Skene’s glands along the urethra.

Of the 1,000 women in the 1,000 marriages, 106 reported that they felt and saw some fluid released with orgasmic contractions. So, while women do not really ejaculate in the sense of forcefully emitting a fluid, some women do report what they feel to be an ejaculatory type feeling at orgasm. This seems particularly true in what I call Type II orgasms, the concern of myth number two.

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“Hurry!” screamed the wife. “My God, can’t you hurry?” They could not hear her screams, but the medical team could see her frantic gestures as they pushed the life-saving cart toward her husband’s hospital room.

The husband and wife had lived together for years. They had raised children, cats, assorted rodents, developed their careers, and now did daily battle in the wars of their children’s adolescence. They had faced many struggles and pressures, even tried to rekindle the failing sexual energy in their marriage, but they had never considered the possibility of a premature end to their life together.

“Oh God! Please hurry!” she yelled one more time before turning to scan the monitor at her husband’s bedside for any sign of life. She was praying for their marriage, just one more chance to be with him, to love and hold him. Perhaps too late, she had been startled into the realization that her marriage was the only thing that meant anything. The cards and flowers from friends and colleagues that filled the room seemed now to be reminders of the distractions that always seemed to dominate, to rob the time this husband and wife had for one another. And now, there would be no time left.

As if to shout down the hopeless, whistling drone of the monitor, she screamed at her unconscious husband. “Carl! Carl! They’re coming, darling. Hold on, damn you, hold on!”

The medical team resembled a group of urgently serious clowns trying to control their wagon of magic tricks. But now the wagon began to control them, just as this wife’s life had controlled her. The wife, doctors, nurses, other patients, and visitors all stopped to watch as the cart first wobbled, then smashed on its side on the tile floor, scattering its cargo.

After the crash, the hospital was silent. The wife felt more alone than ever before, too late in her prayers for a second chance to love, really love, her husband and to love, really love, her marriage.

The stillness of despair and hopelessness was broken by a faint beeping sound. The wife’s eyes caught those of one of the nurses. In an unspoken language, these two strangers shared the hope that this crisis was transforming itself into a miracle.

The wife turned slowly toward the monitor, afraid that any sudden movement might frighten away the uncertain sign of life. She watched as the monitor first showed sharp, large curves followed by the steady peaks and valleys. Even her untrained eyes knew those blips indicated that life had returned to her husband. She stood motionless, chilled, as the screen of the monitor blurred through the tears in her eyes.

The wife was startled to awareness by the medical team now crowding toward her husband. The frantic work on the doctors and nurses seemed more cultural right than necessary intervention, a formal celebration of the fact that her husband’s heart and their marriage had been scared back to life by the crash of the cart. Her husband would survive in spite of, perhaps because of, this strange turn of events.

Stop. Before you read further about this couple’s second chance at marriage, claim your own second chance for your marriage. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Go and get your spouse, call her or him at work, summon him or her from the lawn work, from cleaning the basement or repairing the faucet that will always leak anyway, and take his or her hand. Hold on now while you can, and ask each other these questions. “Why are we married? What are ‘we’ for anyway?” You got married, now how about really being married? Reread this little story about the couple in the hospital and talk about your own marital priority. Don’t wait. Start now. Plan to read and share this book together. I have seen hundreds of couples who have waited too long, who have missed their chance for a super marriage. Please don’t miss yours.

*1\97\8*

Would you like to lose weight? It really is quite simple. All you do is eat properly — and that usually means eating less.

Obesity has reached epidemic proportions in the developed world while in the poorer countries many still die of starvation.

Obesity only occurs when the food eaten has a high joule value compared to the amount of fibre it contains.

Kilojoules do count. They are the measure of energy which the food contains.

With highly processed food, the bulk of fibre is removed. This applies mostly to the carbohydrates or starches and these foods become concentrated.

You are obese when your weight is 20 per cent or more greater than the ideal weight. This ideal weight for sex, height and age has been worked out by studying life insurance statistics. Those who are at an ideal weight for their height and age live longer than those who are above the ideal. And the greater the weight, the shorter the life span.

*509/71/1*

The first sign that anything is wrong may be a pain in the calf when you hurry to catch the train.

The pain gets worse until you stop to rest. It tends to come back with the same amount of exertion. Slowly, you find the pain comes more easily with shorter distances.

This is intermittent claudication, the name derived from the limp of the Roman Emperor Claudius.

Atheroma is the common type of arteriosclerosis or hardening of the arteries. Plaques of fatty material build up on the inner lining of the artery, much the same as rust builds up and blocks a water pipe.

This is the same process which occurs in the coronary arteries of the heart and can lead to angina or a heart attack.

When atheroma blocks the cerebral or brain arteries, a stroke can result.

In peripheral vascular disease, the arteries to the limbs, usually the legs, are affected. The narrowing or eventual blockage may involve the whole length of the artery but, more commonly, it is patchy and only segments are affected.

Atheroma becomes more common with increasing age but has been noted in the arteries of young men who have died as a result of accident and who were regarded as being in good health.

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